Tuesday, April 29, 2008

as day 42 comes to a close.

wave hello.
This is a real time photo of my husband flying one of the planes on the left or right point.
Not bragging, it's just surreal.
I look at this photo and just shake my head in disbelief.
The fact that he is living on this massive piece of metal in the middle of the sea is crazy.
How does one's mind really wrap itself around this concept?
Very rarely do I explore the Internet to find out what he is "really" up to, but tonight I miss him and it made me feel closer.
and very proud.
He is doing what he loves, but just having to miss us in the meantime.
Plain and simple.

When the house is quiet and I am ready to sleep and he is not here, I get sad.
and I sleep with the tv on.
and sometimes I let the kids bring the cereal box into my bed so I can rest a few more minutes and cuddle with them.
I am human.

and to think I have been doing this 'Single Mom' thing for 42 days?!?
My respect for women who do this on a daily basis is beyond words.
But I prove a lot to myself over this time apart.
I will be a better woman when he returns and that is something to pat myself on the back for.
That October day can not get here fast enough.

and Mom, I am fine.
Don't worry, I am just a little sappy and premenstrual.
love you.

This is my deployment theme song by Meiko.
and its goes a little something like this...

Every little thing I do, I do for you
With every little thing, I think a thought of you

And I try so hard not to notice
I try so hard not to care
I try so hard not to know that you're not here
But I'm counting down the hours
And I'm counting up the days
I try so hard not to show this side of me

Jealous of the way they walk, the way *they* talk
'Cause I don't think they know just what they got


Vee said...

awwww, M this post has my heart!!! omg awesome and both you and dh are amazing people. I can't wait until he comes back to you all. I love that you have you won real life Top Gun :) :)

sara berry said...

M, I Totally sympathize. You know I don't sleep so call me on nights like this and we can commiserate. That photo kicks ass, btw. Sometimes I look for picts of M--I have found a few--and then I realize what a dummy I am for questioning his ability to do stuff like pick h up from school and simple household stuff. It is like being married to a superhero in disguise. :)

Natalie said...

This post is so real and so amazing. Keep strong. I know it's hard but you are totally right for saying that you will be a better woman after all this is over. Hugs! Love ya.

amber said...

Lots of hugs and good thoughts going your way. Such an honest post and I love that. And the kids with the cereal box in bed. Too sweet.

Awesome shot too! I don't blame you for being so proud.

Gigi said...

seriously chelle...tears in my eyes...i get caught in my own little bubble of the universe so much sometimes...thanks for reminding me that to embrace those challenges a bit more :) you are a wonderful role model for us all...


scrappinJen said...

sigh. love the pix. i wish Donk would take/get more of these. I hope today was better. You make us all proud. for so many reasons.

Heidi Joe said...

First of all, I totally got goosebumps at the sight of that photo. Anthony, if you are reading this, DANG.

Hang in there girl... you are doing an amazing job. You have more bravery and strength in your pinky finger than I do all over. Call me if you need anything. Anytime. I mean anytime. Love ya!

kokopuffs said...

oh geez, you did it to me again. and I'm at work. thank goodness there's no one at the window.

and my next response...HI ANTHONY!!! i'm seriously touching each of those "anthony's plane"s just to give him safe thoughts. I can't believe he's flying on of those things too.

and who the heck took that picture? and how cool is that? they're in formation and everything. I haven't emailed him yet, but I will now.

M and I watch Military channel constantly and we've been seeing a lot of what goes on aboard that big hunk of metal. it is surreal to see it on tv and think that your hubs is actually on one of those.

hugs to you mR...for real. and tell those kids to sprinkle a bit of that cereal all over your bed. I know Kyan can do it :)

kerry lynn said...

and i now love you just a smidgen more than i already did.

Cat said...

my thoughts are with you... it is not easy and I hope the time goes by quickly and safely.